Day Four, the Nature of Depression.

I’m just so fucking tired right now. I missed my personal writing time to piss time away on the internet. So now I’m scrambling to make sure that today wasn’t wasted in terms of writing.

Now, that thought process is self-defeating. It places so much pressure on myself to be this elusive perfect being that I will never become. Self-improvement can become self-destruction if the pressure is high enough. I need to forgive myself for lapses in my schedule, in the habits I’m forming. Let it go. Breathe.

Now. Now is the moment I feel awful. So many good things have happened today but now is a moment I don’t like. I’m writing because I enjoy it. Writing shouldn’t be this exercise in self-hatred. Let’s try again.

Now is the moment I let it go. Now is the moment the act of writing heals this wound inside my mind. Now is the moment I let go of this notion of perfection. I can strive for excellence, but not at the cost of my well-being. Today is the day I let go of the pain in the moment and push forward with my plan. Where it will take me I have only an idea. The future, after all, isn’t written in stone.

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